Dear Gentleman in 23D,

You’re probably a nice enough person.  I don’t know since you didn’t speak to me.  I’m sure you were disappointed when your  complimentary upgrade didn’t clear.  I could tell by the look of disdain in your eye when a Flight Attendant walked a soldier to the first class cabin after the aircraft door was closed.  I would’ve loved to sit in first class too, but those are the breaks.  Instead, I had to sit next to you.  That should not have been such a bad thing, we were in the exit row afterall.  Lots of legroom.  It would’ve been just fine were it not for your apparent inability to distinguish between your seat and mine.  You’re a big guy, no doubt, but so am I.  Thankfully, it was a short flight for I’m afraid the impression my shoulder was making into the wall of the airplane as I leaned away from you to give you your space (and at least 25 percent of mine) may have done some permanent damage….to the airplane, and me.